Spring flows into summer, which turns into autumn, which, in turn, tumbles into winter. And winter, inevitably, in its own time, cycles back to spring.
As the Earth spins, invariably changing outer seasons, so too, do we as humans grow, change, develop and flow through inner seasons. This is where I am now. Standing on the cusp of a change in seasons in my own life and career.
The past two years have been a fallow time in my life. While much change has been going on beneath the surface, I've been scrambling in my head, trying to find the right direction for my soul and the next phase of my life.
Much of that time, I've directed towards energy healing, believing that to justify the financial cost of learning different systems and techniques, I needed to make this part of my professional offerings. And while I do enjoy working with clients and energy healing, a part of me felt incomplete, and I felt drained, rather than renewed. As I found my own healing, and that was nourished by helping others heal, too, my heart was growing increasingly restless.
Now, if you have been following me for a while, you know that I am multi-passionate. I love to create and work with Spirit and the Universe. I love to make things, play with words and music, teach, write, meditate, cook, read... And I have been trying to find some kind of balance, some sort of path that allowed me to incorporate ALL of that into what I offer the larger world.
I finally, finally, woke up.
I realized that by trying to do it all, I was accomplishing none of what I intended. I was shortchanging myself, and you, by trying to fit it all in.
And once again, I found myself wiped out, exhausted. Mentally emptied and depressed. (Yes, even energy workers get depressed when they're out of alignment).
This general sense of oh-hell-now-what trickled over into my writing time, until the day my good buddy, Allie McCormack, gave me a mental smack in the back of the head. "Why do you need to do ALL of that? How in the heck are you getting anything done?"
I wasn't. I mean, I was getting the "shoulds" done - my social media calendar was done every month, I was sending out a newsletter. But I wasn't getting new subscribers, and I sure as heck wasn't selling much of anything.
I went into retreat mode.
I do this once in a while. Take some time off, scribble on one of my many notepads I have floating around my office space, journal, write out what's working, what's not, what makes me happy, what is really pissing me off. I also spend time with my hubby during these retreats, getting his feedback. Because, after 12 years of marriage and a relationship that's spanned 3 decades, he knows me better than anyone else, and can give me feedback from outside my head.
The only thing that was making me truly happy was writing. Hubby was growing concerned that I wasn't bouncing back after working with energy clients. Further, he was noticing my withdrawal from the world, and my declining joy. And he gave me what I could not: Permission to let go of the need to make learning "pay for itself".
"Enjoy the learning. Then let yourself get lost in writing - that's where you're the most happy." And that takes some serious strength for him to say that. Because when I'm lost in writing, I'm a different person. (If you've never lived with a writer, or been good friends with one, I recommend Jenna Moreci's vlog on weird habits of writers) We writers are a strange breed. *A word of warning... Jenna's language can be a bit rough - much like mine when I'm on a roll.*
So, I'm taking his advice, and the advice of my writing buddy. I am releasing the energy portion of Sage Wolfsong. I'm still defining exactly what SWC will look like in the coming year, but I have a general plan that I'll be revealing in the coming weeks (oh, yeah, and prepping for National Novel Writing Month, and getting sections of my finished novel, Finding Home, out to beta readers), as I better understand my own goals in this endeavor.
So, stay tuned, folks. The fallow time of late winter is breaking away to give birth to the fertility and growth of spring (even though here in the Pacific North West, we're transitioning into autumn). Good things are coming, and I'm looking forward to sharing them with you.